Parenting “101”

I have been going back to the memories of my childhood for a very long time now , each time with some sort of guilt and blame for my parents ,for not giving me and my siblings, what every child should get .

I have been focusing on the lack of things so much ,that I have not recognised things which they actually gave us . Things which can’t be bought or forgotten. Yet somehow I focused only what we didn’t get … having my son made me think a lot of what parent i sure don’t want to be ,it’s challenging of course, our children are humans and learn different things at different stages , and we adults sometimes lose patience with our own child . At the beginning of the motherhood, I have put myself on a mission of “he will get everything i didn’t have,no matter what” and I can say that i have accomplished that , now however, he is 9 year old boy ,who has everything and thankfully for him and me ,I’m different person and see life from a totally different perspective . I want him to know his worth , I want him to feel loved , I encourage him everyday do do new things and to be kind . Before my focus was mainly on “things ” ,of course I did other things as well but the idea of having it all was a priority.

Now I put the most of my time with him of giving love and making sure he is feeling safe and appreciated by me . I teach him about the world and I show him different perspectives of things which are happening around us . I want him to know that, he can do anything he want in his life and be whoever he want to be , the only thing he need to remember is to be a good person ,because everything return to the sender ,whether we like it or not .

At this point I understood that my mom was doing exactly the same for me , maybe not to the same extent, but she had 7 of us altogether, so of course I wasn’t centre of the world ,but she did what she could for every single one of us ,in a specific way for each of her child.

I remember the library was my second home , there was a point I had nothing to read because I read everything what was there ,then my mom started to bring some books about psychology , she borrowed then from her friend and gave to me . It’s crazy because I thought my mom always loved to read ,and it turns out she actually never read a lot in her life .

Now I see that she did what she could to make sure i can do what i love the most . And I’m truly grateful for that to her ❤ I’m still in some sense ashamed for not seeing it earlier ,but I guess we all have our own time ,time when understanding hits us unexpectedly.

Small thing like that had changed the whole view on my childhood. They gave us all they could and they loved us the way they received love themselves from their parent. There is no one to blame . Sometimes seeing things from different perspective ,can really changes someone’s life. It has changed mine .

So much love ❤

H.

Vivid Dream

Vivid dreams are scary and amazing at the same time . I woke up in the morning, feeling like I have been awake at least for the half of the night , the dreams so wild I can’t even explain.

Whatever has been going on yesterday in my life, had a vivid expression I my dream state , silly things like a conversation about guys painting their nails ,which for me is not a big deal , came in my dream ,I literally saw one of my guy friend having his nails painted ,but what’s wild is the pattern he had painted.. . ☯️ ying and yang ,yes I know its crazy to see such detail but I remember it very well . Another thing was , that same person telling someone else who am I, and the way he was speaking about me ,was simply love and adoration, and it amaze me ,because for two weeks now I have been meditating on releasing blockages between me and love and people i have seen in the way they didn’t deserve to be seen (bad way) .

Also sexual part was there ,but I did not take part in it , I was barely watching it all happening and I think it’s crazy,considering my absence from that activity since early 2020 .

I don’t really know what to think but I feel like its all going in the right way.

Happy Friday for anyone reading this ❤💫

H.

I feel like sometimes it doesn’t really makes any sense .

I am kind and understanding

I am powerful human being

I am strong and brave

I face my fears and move beyond my limitations

I am truly myself now

I have been trying to fit in for so long

I have been clinging to things which put me down ,not realising I have the power to change it

There are days however, when I am doubtful of myself

When I’m impatient

Triggered by silly things

Don’t feel like I can trust anyone

Not worthy of love and so ashamed of being the person who can break someone else’s heart without even noticing the pain its causing.

The understanding comes often in waves and after some time . Usually its too late ,even to get a chance to apologise.

I’m full of joy and gratitude today and yet, memories of the past has creeped in now as I sit and relax , often I think , how long the healing takes , just to understand that each time ,we heal different part of ourselves.

I’m grateful for the past and people I have met and no matter where you are and what you do. I wish you well ❤

H

Real deal …

I just had a great epiphany about my love /sex life… for the last two years I have been so closed off that I didn’t even allowed myself to do what every human being ,in my opinion of course, need and should experience… that is closeness to other person and sexual experience, I have been so stuck up in my own way of not letting anyone use me ,that I have lost myself and completely withdrawn from them experiences altogether. It makes me so sad to think , I’m a woman ,I have needs ,like many other people, yet I completely blocked every possibility of being close with someone else.

The fact that everything now seems to be fast , scares me ,but I know I should not define my ability to be with someone because of that , not every guy is the same and not every guy want only that .

Sometimes we try to protect ourselves so hard ,that we forget what world we live in and that our needs do matter and should be met .

I’m not saying, we should start sleeping around with anyone ,unless someone wants to ,thats on them , but we should open up and remove them walls we have built around us ,they were meant to protect, but so far I feel like they have been completely blocking my view on love and sex life .

I have my energy back and I hope ill be able to work on those issues . I remember when I was free and open and somehow, suddenly it all changed. I was fine for 2 years but now I wan to feel that joy and excitement again .

H.

Joy

Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

Just yesterday I felt like everything is crumbling down on me … but today ,well since late afternoon, I have got so much energy! I feel so good and I hasn’t felt that way in nearly two weeks ! It blows my mind ,how sudden them changes are ! Im beyond grateful however, that my bad days happens not often as I really dont like to go through them .

Today I feel like im new born ,some magic got in me and I feel more alive than ever . It only proves the point ,that we should never give up on ourselves and better days are sure yet to come ,because after storm there always comes rainbow and sun 🌞 and today I have sun all within me .

Please never give up on yourself and be sure that whatever storms are in your life right now , they too shall pass . 🙏

Everything can change within seconds, just know and trust 💫❤🐞

Love and light ✨ 💛

H.

Tired but ….

Photo by Magda Ehlers on Pexels.com

I was supposed to do so many things today … I have done none of what I have planned . Well not exactly, I was writing but didn’t have any drive nor idea what am I doing…. i cooked, cleaned my house ,read a book ,I will also meditate after I post this ,so maybe I did something. ? I don’t know why we have this tendency to belittle ourselves… sometimes it feels like ,no matter how much I do during the day ,it feels like nothing .

I have also put my Christmas tree up ,my son asked me to do so after school and I just went with it. All I want is to see him happy .

Since last Sunday I’m sick and somehow I can’t get over this , it drives me crazy now , it just takes too long and all I want is to feel good …

I have also notice that I’m so withdrawn from life recently, i like spending time alone way too much and I’m really starting to think is not that healthy.

I just had to vent for a bit. I feel like a lot of things is shifting and I’m kind of preparing for it mentally and physically… even though I’m not sure what is it ,I know is something positive and amazing .

H.

Beautiful Morning 🌄

Zoom in and here it is beautiful sky 😍

Good morning beautiful souls ✨

Today’s sky right after I woke up , I’m absolutely in love and could stare at it all day . I hope you all have a wonderful day and stay positive. Happy Monday ❤

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” -Mother Teresa

Honorata Czestochowska

Alone but not lonely 💭

Do you know that phrase ” If you are lonely when you alone ,you are in the bad company”? Do you like spending time all by yourself ? Or are you rather the opposite?

I’m the person, who loves her own company, I love to have time to think ,read ,listen to lectures and just to be all by myself. It brings me peace and calmness. I feel like im charging myself, every single time I’m by myself only . But of course there are days ,when I want a friend by my side , its usually my sister ,we are very close and understand each other without words …who would think that my sister will be my best friend .. looking back at all the mean things we did to each other ,when we were just a kids , it’s amazing how everything is changing once we mature and grow up . We start to see our siblings in a different way , more loving way , it doesn’t mean we didn’t love them before, but now we just not ashamed of that feeling.

I have 6 siblings , me as middle child , my mom had full hands with all of us for sure . But somehow, she managed to raise all of us , to become good human beings, I’m grateful for that, even though our life was not easy at times ,I’m still happy .

Today all I want ,is the happiness of the people surrounding me 💫

I hope you have had an amazing weekend x stay safe and healthy 💗

Honorata Czestochowska

You Are Unique

If you can be a light , a peaceful place for someone else . Someone who don’t need no explanation and just is there for the other one . Someone who doesn’t feel the need to tell their story ,when someone is sharing theirs ,but just listen and understand, then please don’t ever change . World need people like you .

Everyday we should be guided by love and trust . If we do good by heart ,we have nothing to worry about . Our good intentions is what matter. Sometimes things will not workout they way,you would want them too ,but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

At the end what matters is our heart and the love we share with others , and the way you share it ,is unique and special in every way.

There is no two the same people in this world , we are all different and unique by nature . I want whoever is reading this to remember, that by giving love ,you also open yourself to receive it . And no matter how harsh and hard you are on yourself, I know many people who can’t even think ,of thinking about themselves in a positive, good way . You need to know that you are worth the love , you are lovable , you deserve the happiness and joy . The only thing which is stopping you from getting it ,is your own self and that is something you can work on ❤💫

Honorata Czestochowska

Believe in Magic 💫💕

How many times have you been doubtful about you ability to accomplish what you have always dreamt of . Stop right now . It’s time to move forward and trust in the unknown.

The unknown is scary for all of us . We want to know it all ,at all times . But if we don’t let the unknown do the job ,then how our dreams will come true ? . Sometimes we don’t even know how the thing we want can come to us . So just know and trust . Because there are ways ,you have never dreamt of . Let the opportunities come to you , be open to receive them at any time . Don’t think that only because it didn’t come in instant, it’s not working. Magic happens all around us and we are often blinded by the reality of our past manifestations. Give it time , give yourself time , be patient and just trust 🙏

Hope you will have a wonderful weekend 💕

Stay safe and healthy 💫

Honorata Czestochowska

Trust the process and never give up on yourself 💕💫